1 [Report This]Date: January 11, 2019 07:09 am Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
This morning as I was driving to work I had to brake suddenly at a red light and my purse went flying upside down into that unknown spot between the passenger seat and the door and the sound it made, and the sound *I* made well, they weren’t pretty or subtle. But it *did* remind me that I needed to come review this :)
It’s SO good. I love getting to see inside Pam’s headc especially set during those early seasons when the confusion and conflict were so strong. And the casual banter when they’re sitting on his couch and Jim’s trying to play it cool and Pam’s trying to figure things out — ugh, as I said, it’s so good.
Welcome to the site :)
1 [Report This]Date: January 10, 2019 02:45 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
Wow Kuri! I am even MORE blown away by this fic, given that English is not your first language, as you use it so beautifully --- more so than I can ever hope for. I hope I didn't come across as harsh before --- I seriously love this!
Author's Response: Not at all! I really appreciate that you've pointed out those mistakes. That's the only way to learn :)
1 [Report This]Date: January 09, 2019 09:06 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
Awww I like this a lot. Very cute and I think quite in character: Pam isn't a fast mover but if she actually starts talking I don't think she stops.
1 [Report This]Date: January 09, 2019 06:42 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
Really well done! The interaction is very natural and totally in character. Please go back and fix the typos and spelling (brake, not break), because they are distracting and this is too good a story to be distracted. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for pointing that out. Since English is not my first language, sometimes I make that sort of mistakes. I think I fixed them all.
Date: January 09, 2019 05:11 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
I like the rhythm of sound in the first part of this, how it was a welcome distraction. That set a nice tone.
I think you did a good job with her near-obsession of him touching her and that nice balance of desire and guilt. Well done and congratulations on your first MTT posting!
1 [Report This]Date: January 09, 2019 04:41 pm Title: The sounds of a bag of chips
I liked all of Pam's introspection here. How she's thinking about all the things that have led her to this moment and what they mean. You also did a good job with Jim here too I think. He's still supportive of her, but he's not pushing her to make a decision she's not ready for, nor is he pushing himself on her. Good for you for writing like that. Hopefully this will be more than just a one shot, because I'm very curious to see how her conversation with Roy goes.